Disclaimer: This article does not bother itself to reflect common sense, and is subject to flaws.
And no, I didn’t read the damn book. If you’re someone finding themselves at a self-help youtube video at 3 am, you already know the book -Atomic Habits by James Clear.
While I’m sure it’s a good read, I’ve grown tired of manuals, recipes, guidelines, how-to’s, recommendations, books, and blogs about creating habits. So I just decided to go right in. The good ol’ trial and error. And eventually ended up writing a blog about my experience. Yeah, it’s called Karma.
Anyways, I found myself unemployed after graduation and a subsequent internship -two high-maintenance, fast-paced environments.
My time being unemployed is, in fact, my first actual time as a human being freed of external structures. Not a single soul telling me what to do with my day. Cool isn’t it? Not really.
It’s staggering. The moment I realized I was free was the exact moment I realized I didn’t want to be free. Camus was right from the beginning, you guys. I wanted the burden of work.
I was so accustomed to having a certain rhythm going on, a certain structure to shape my life all the time that when all that was gone, I couldn’t make sense of myself.
The question of what to do with oneself when you’re completely left alone. That was the beginning of a series of efforts to fill in my time. To make myself “busy” again -cause idleness is absolutely unbearable at this stage of capitalism. I’m even more sorry writing this than you reading it.
Anyhow, I figured out how to sort things out for myself without having an external structure. And that required a hell lot of failures.
This is my attempt to make sense of all the weird stuff I did to feel useful again and distill what I have learned. If the tone of this article sounds a bit commanding, fret not, I just use the second-person singular when I talk to myself. Lezgo-
There is a learning curve
Just because you read all the best recommendations on how to build habits does not mean you’ll be able to actually build them in no time. any sort of habit, small or big, long-term or short-term, requires A LOT of work and effort and time and blood and tears. And we’re just being stupid thinking it is not so.
Ever think of how you became the person you are today? that was X years of habits the same age as you are. Little things matter, right? Conscious or unconscious, the things you do, and think about, build the life you live. Yeah…cliches do sometimes make a point.
So it does take time and there is no fixed formula. Personalization is key. Figuring out what works for you, understanding your “flow” throughout the day, your moods, etc. You know you the best, so use it to your advantage.
I figured I get overwhelmed when I try to add a lot of habits all at the same time to my schedule and hold myself to high standards, but I am also incredibly impatient to add them one by one and go slow. Instead, I found the solution somewhere in between: adding them all at once but just doing the bare minimum for each habit for starters.
After I found myself in a state of horrible freedom, in a cry for help, I started playing the electronic guitar, swimming, learning German, learning Photoshop, punch needling, and making ceramics. I practiced none of it as much as I would like to ideally, but I also never skipped any of them in a given week. I simply did the bare minimum to advance in these skills and just embrace the fact that little as it is, it still counts.
So I think if there is a formula, honestly, it’s just making a mess, to try, see what fails and build on that. and have fun, also. Learning is not a neat buttery process, it’s a beautiful chaotic complexity.
Goal is not the priority, systems are
Start to think about sustainability immediately and stop being the unrealistic spoiled impatient baby that you are (that’s aimed at me more than anyone else). A goal should ALWAYS need to be followed with an action plan -or else it’s practically a dream isn’t it?
Embrace the fact that nothing will happen immediately and you will feel bad for the most part. Know that and be cool with it: “a bad day is a good day because a bad day is when you’re trying to take it to a different level”. (Stanley Whitney)
So what is a system?
“a group of devices forming a network especially for serving a common purpose,” says Merriam-Webster.
A good system is one where different parts complement each other for achieving a specific result. A good system feels automatic and effortless. And finally, a good system is one that works.
To be more precise, thinking about this has helped me a lot: what would it take, what would I need to have to make the A task easier to accomplish, and highly repeatable?
I had the simple (!) goal of being fit and healthy. to achieve the goal -or at least to hit the road- I realized I need to be doing a set of tasks that I don’t hate and need not convince myself every day to do it. Hence, I started swimming instead of going to the gym -cause it is more likable for me.
But then the problem was the pool is far away from my house and it was winter when I took the decision. So to make sure I actually get out of bed despite the distance and coldness I decided to hold myself accountable to someone. My dad leaves the house early for work and even though I am not an early bird I formulated getting out of the house with him as my sure ticket to the pool. And as such, an achievable and repeatable task was born.
I know it's not a glorious solution but don’t need one as well when I can just have an easy and functioning one.
Be pessimistic
Accept the fact that, given the chance, our brains will opt for the easier option, not necessarily the one that’s best for us. Most of the time, we are extremely weak-willed and good at making excuses.
Assume that if you have chips at home, you will probably end up eating them.
Assume that most days, you won’t feel like doing what you need to do.
Assume that at some point you will convince yourself that it doesn’t make a difference anyway.
Take your future unmotivated self into account.
But the good news is, this problem is the solution to the question of “how” to build a system. Create a system that will counter that unmotivated self.
Yes, throw away those chips but also replace them with something that will satisfy you equally but is still healthy. Make it easily accessible and even better, the only option.
Our hyped-up selves set the goals, but remember that our normal and lazier selves will need to execute. Proactively respond to that.
Cause as John Tavner says, it’s not as easy as you think to move anything from Point A to Point B.
